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#OnlyTwoMoreDaysThankGawd! This is the first time I have ever dieted in my whole life and I have realized that the struggle is real struggley. Sure struggley is a word. Why not?

My positivity is diminishing. This may seem over dramatic. But I want chocolate and processed cheese and I could seriously use a pep talk. Help me here! This is aweful! Ready for my update? Here goes.

Friday wasn’t too bad. I was on day 3. I got to eat veggies and fruit but I was seriously looking forward to day 4 (banana and skim milk day). As I posted before, I had also lost another pound and was feeling good about myself for that reason.

I made it through Friday and Saturday and it was almost a breeze. I’ve been craving chocolate like crazy though. Why did I do this when my Aunt Flow was coming to visit? Smart right?! The cravings for chocolate have been unreal. But I have not slipped up.

Saturday was awesome. The sun was shining and I felt this burst of energy from the diet that I have not felt in years. I woke up and mowed the lawn, did some more yard work, helped my friend move to her new house because she is in crutches and was just (excuse my language) busting ass. And I was so excited to be on bananas and skim milk because finally I was giong to get to eat something sweet and filling. A lot of people who have done this diet hate this day because they find it gross. But I love bananas. Especially chopped up in milk. So I ate like 4 along with the soup and like a half gallon of milk from the creamery.

The hardest though, was Sunday which was #MothersDay. (Speaking of which, happy mother’s day to all the fabulous mothers out there remembering that children our our future and raising the next generation of thinkers and dreamers. Thanks for all you do! But back to the subject…) Let me tell you, dieting at a cookout is tough. When you are on a diet during a party of event, it is really stressful. #ReallyStressful. My family decided to have a big last minute cookout. I had to go. I mean you don’t flake out on your mom on mothers day.

While it was nice to see my family, I was so embarrassed to be on the diet. Mortified is more like the right word. I had to look like a total snob when I told them “I can’t eat any of this because I’m on a diet.” Mind you I grew up with a grandma who, if you didn’t eat at least three grilled cheeses and a bowl of homemade soup as a kid, she would ask if you were sick. The worried and concerned looks I got were aweful. There was no lying about the diet or saying I wasn’t hungry because they know me too well. I felt they would know better. They are used to seeing me eat as much as I can fit on my plate! But I did not this time.

The sad thing is, my dad had specially bought me some vegetarian hot dogs not realizing I couldn’t eat them this time. I was on my first day where the diet says you can have lean fish, beef, or chicken. So though I told him not to, he went back to the store and bought me salmon. Of course everyone questioned why I was eating salmon… And then what made it the worse was when I had to turn down everyone’s cakes, potato salads, etc… What made me look like a total snob was that I was the smallest person there. I felt like it looked like I was calling them fat. Totally uncomfortable moment. By the end of the night I was a wreck. Between that and being on my period, I was beginning to feel like a crazy person. I found myself staring down my fiancé’s beer when we made it home to relax because I wanted to drink it!

Tonight will be hard as well. I am trying to get full as can on my lean fish and soup today. I bought some delicious, low sodium, low calorie, lean fish from Kroger. I had it for breakfast and will probably have another filet of it for lunch and the soup. Because, tonight we have a catered employee meeting.

Needless to say, I am struggling.

Aside from my ranting and cry babying, I’d like to let you know that I would still recommend doing this diet once in your life, so long as you can health wise, but not often. I feel like I have grown from it. meditation and perhaps the Galveston monks station on Pandora helps. The best I can describe this as is guided fasting. It’s only been 5 full days but it has been a very spiritual journey in that it has made me more humble and self disciplined. I have also felt the effect of detoxing off of the bad foods I have eaten in my lifespan. I’ve felt a mixture of terrible and wonderful during this whole thing. We don’t realize how spoiled we are as American’s until we don’t have the things we want but don’t need at leisure.  This diet has sucked. So hard… I will probably never do it again. But I can say that it has been teaching me self restraint. I have not slipped up once. Two more days. Today and tomorrow and I am running toward the finish line! Wish me luck! I’m going to need it!