Maybe I should get back to work….

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I have this weird thing I do in the mornings on work weeks. Does anyone else have this experience or is it just me?

I wake up early enough to be there by 9am. And I am groggy as all get out. It’s not in my head. It’s a total fact, as I’ve tried to change my ways. I am not a morning person at all!

The funny thing is, be it any other day than a work day, I probably would have slept till 10am or noon. But yet, even so, when I get to work, I start thinking of all the things I’d rather be doing. Like playing guitar and trying out some new going live techniques, learning new songs, cleaning house oddly, exercising, or crafting. My mind races with activities I’d rather be doing. But the fact of the matter is, while it would be super cool to do all of these things in one day, if I were home, I would not even be up in time to do so.

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This is why I love love love camping! The sun rises and I tend to rise with the sun. It resets my circadian clock and I feel alive and motivated. It’s a beautiful thing!

So here I sit, at my desk, drinking a double shot energy spiced vanilla drink staring at my calendar equipped with pictures of camels on hump day, and while I have managed to look busy, I really haven’t done much at all. Should I get motivated? Probably. But then again… so should you if you are at work reading this right?

But honestly… who really gives a damn. I know I didn’t choose the life of societal standards. I was born into it. You were too. Lets face it. We were both born in a materialistic driven society where we have to spend more time at work then we do actually living our lives in the real world with our family, our friends, or out in nature earthing and clearing our heads.

Maybe there is an alternate dimension where this is only a dream and we are actually living lives to the fullest. Maybe this is just a stage in life and we will eventually break free from the chains of our over worked and under paid society.

Cheers (with my coffee) to my hard working low to middle class citizens.

Hang in there. I am with you. How do we get through this? Always look at the big picture. Take breaks. Take vacations. Live fearlessly. We only have this one life. Always strive to reach for that shiny rainbow at the end of the rain. I promise you it will be worth it. If you’re not happy where you are, make changes. I will. Will you?

Much love.

 

 

 

<a href=”https://dailypost.wordpress.com/prompts/maybe/”>Maybe</a&gt;

#Maybe #ShortAndSweet

 

 

 

 

How to Let Go of Your Fears/ Help Others Let Go of Their Fears

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I have felt like a new person since I’ve decided not to give a fuck any more.

Hint hint: If you want to know what I am referring to, you can read back to my last post where I went on a complete glorious fucking rant about how I will never give a fuck again and you will be up to speed none the less, back the topic at hand, my life is slowly improving and it’s only been one fucking day!

One of the greatest success stories of this is, I have found myself slowly but surely learning to stand up for myself.

In just a day I have gotten two family members to stop making excuses for fighting and get along, I have gotten a creepy old guy to stop hitting on me (I think) on facebook, I have handled responsibilities which were making me have panick attacks before like a boss with no tears (which has really reduced stress levels), and I have made it to the weekend where I plan to fucking celebrate however I fucking want!raf

(I kid of course. Unless you like golden showers, then fuck it. You do you!)

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One of my friends, a fellow musician who is on their way to what I believe will be stardom gave me some wonderful advice recently which will stick with me for a long time. Because I have seen him go from zero to hero as a musician so fast that no one even remembers the fact that he once was just as new to things as me. He asked me to play with his band at a small festival and I was honored. I was trying to wimp out even though I knew it was the wrong thing to do career wise, I was having serious doubts about myself and my abilities. Do you ever just feel like you aren’t worthy? Anyway, he stopped me, grabbed my face so I would look at him and said these words to me. “Life is too short to ever have fear. Fear is unreal and made up by you in your mind. You can do anything and you will. Don’t ever let fear stop you. Now I want my friend to come jam with me!” How do you say no to that?  And isn’t this true? So what if you aren’t the best at something. People may hate on you. Fuck it. Do what you do anyway.

The outcome of this story, I ended up leading a crowd of people as the barn kept filling with people who were all singing along and more and more musicians joined in. There was a cello, and numerous instruments and the moment was truly glorious. It was a memory none of us will ever forget.

Doubt and fear and general giving a damn are emotions all humans have felt or will feel at some point in their life time. So please realize it as what it is and let the feeling pass. Go out and do something ridiculous! You will feel better and realize that it works out in your favor!

Now that you know what to do and how to do so, try it out! This is where things are going to get fun! And when you get the hang of it, keep in mind that others are feeling these emotions. We can make a difference by giving others #Praise. Compliment more people more often. Let them know that they are loved and they are great. We are all VIP. Can you emagine if the whole world realized that?! Sure would make for some awesome concert experiences! It’s the simple things in life that you can do to change the world.

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Ps. Here as soon as I get the chance, I am going to try and conquer one of my biggest phobias (butterflies, I know…don’t laugh too hard at me. It’s a legit problem though)! I’ll keep you posted because I’m sure it will be a story to tell weather it’s good or bad. I’m terrified, but I am going to finally face it. Wish me luck.

 

<a href=”https://dailypost.wordpress.com/prompts/praise/”>Praise</a&gt;

#UrineStorms #PraiseYourself #PraiseOthers #NoFears #ThisTooShallPass

I Hereby Vow To Stop Giving So Many Fucks

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I hereby vow to no longer give any fucks. Not even one. I deserve better. And if you give a fuck, you should stop doing so as well. And here’s why.

You deserve better too. The world is our fucking home. Do you want people spreading their fucks all over your fucking house with no permission? Well I sure don’t! That’s how fucking disease spreads. So don’t fuck fucking strangers with all your fucks you are giving all over our humble abode please! I am stopping, so if you want to pay if forward and stop giving a fuck as well, that would be great. Take the pledge with me!

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I am so excited to offer this challenge to you. The world is our fucking oyster. Let’s fucking own it!

I repeat, take the pledge with me!!!!  “I ___(insert name________, hereby vow to stop giving so many fucks.”

So… please excuse my fucking language. But after this post, no more fucks will ever be given. So I’m getting all my fucks out while I can for fucks sake! Lets fucking live! And just to be square on this, I am not sorry if this post offends anyone. Because, dang it, I have a fucking point to make.fug2

As you could probably tell from my last damn post, I have been under an immense amount of stress… So much damn stress, that it has broken me to a wonderful point in my life where I have realized that I somehow forgot to look at the big fucking picture and that needs to change.

I was stressed about my fucking wedding. But the day is not about making everyone else fucking happy or planning the perfect fucking event to impress relatives and friends. It’s about my fiance and I. And it’s about the fucking fact that I am marrying my soul mate. My fucking soul mate! And while I still have lots to do, I am no longer going to let stress get in the way. Period. Fuck it.

I am tired of the fucking panic attacks over spilled milk, and I am tired of fucking caring so much. Why do I care? What’s the fucking point?fug3

Hahaha I hope this post doesn’t get fucking deleted. Don’t be fucking but hurt. Just don’t give a fuck and take this post as what it is meant to be. Humor!

Let’s spread love not fucks. You don’t have to mind fuck everyone!

And I am guilty of over sharing my fucks lately. I have been giving several fucks about everything that I possibly fucking can! But no more! It is never too late for change.

In fact, unintentionally, I believe I’ve given so many fucks out to people like candy (no not in a sexual way) I have been fucking making other people just as stressed as I have been. I have been fucking stressed over the wedding planning, my mother in the hospital, my job, my finances, my car, my house, my animals…anything I could come up with in my head to continue my fucking fuck giving parade. It’s time to slow down and fucking chill the fuck out.

Tabula la rosé… Blank slate bitches!!!!

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And I don’t want to be an energy vampire (Someone who pushes their problems on others to the point where they drain them of their positive energy)! There’s enough pain in the world as it is. I’m not here on earth to fucking add to it. I do not want to be that person! So it’s time to check my self before I wreck myself. And if you give several fucks like I’ve been doing and have no desire to stop being like that. Get over your fucking self and stop being an an energy vampire yourself. Take a lesson from this article that you are reading. You are not helping yourself or others by wallowing in your own pitty fucking party. Say fuck it and throw your fucks to the fucking wind. I have realized this.  So fuck it. I no longer will give a fuck. I repeat, I Copper Sparkles, Will no longer give a fuck.

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Rid the world of fucks given, make the world a better fucking place.

In the reality of existence, to the earth, to the stars, to the sky, to the moons, to the sun, to the cosmos, and the galixies, you are only a tiny spec. You are not that important. How stressed you are will never leave a legacy. It’s the things in life like who you were as a person, and the relationships you had that will matter.. These small things you are stressing over, take a look at them. Take a look at your size, then take a look at the size of the universe, and you will realize that your problems weren’t that big after all.

 

<Insert super fucking cool picture of a fucking stick figure in outer fucking space>.

 

This is you and your fucks that you have been giving for fuck sake –>   .

Now I don’t mean to say that I won’t ever worry again. I’m a fucking human and a female at that! Aunt Flow will always come once a month to kick me in the serotonin receptor and remind me that Eve was a metaphorical greedy ass bitch. I fucking worry.

But I will no longer give a fuck about my emotions. I will recognize them as what they are, emotions. and I have the choice whether or not I let them effect me. Good bye expectations (set on myself by me or others….goodbye fears, and good riddance to trying to make other people happy while causing myself pain or living in the past! Fuck that.

Fucks are like weeds to your brain. Say this mantra with me “I will no longer give a fuck” and kill those fucking weeds that are clouding your judgement and preventing that beautiful garden that is happiness from growing and nourishing the world! Instead of growing your fuck garden, grow a garden of flowers and love. And instead of populating the world with weeds, populate the world with flowers. With love.fug4

Stop giving a fucks like a mental prostitution ring is taking place in your damn brain! Snap out of it! Life is too short.

So there you have it.

I Copper Ann Sparkles hereby vow to no longer give so many fucks.fug6

Signed: Copper Sparkles  Date: 8.3.2016

#FuckIt #Fuckitol

 

Ps. Need a muse? Let me tell you the story of the bird (If you have already heard this story, then good for you but I just heard it yesterday so I want to share).

So there’s this bird in this tree, just minding it’s fucking business. Just fucking chirping away… “chirp chirp chirp chirp!!!”

And one guy sits down on the bench sitting underneath the tree for shade. The bird continues to chirp.

“Chirp Chirp Chirp chirp!”

The guy gets super fucking annoyed. And he says “shut up you fucking annoying bird!” He throws a rock at it. He yells at it…rolls his eyes…. But it doesn’t matter, the bird continues to chirp. So the guy gets annoyed and he leaves.

The bird doesn’t care though. The bird says to his other bird friend. “I’m a bird. I’m just doing what I do. I’m singing.”

Along comes another guy. He sits on the bench, he opens his book up and begins to read. And here the noise comes a gain. The bird starts it’s thing.

“Chirp chirp chirp chirp chirp!

But this guy looks up at the bird, smiles, and says “What a beautiful noise this bird is making.” He is grateful for the beautiful noises of the bird and is happy to hear the bird’s fucking singing! He just simply ignores the bird.

But the bird still doesn’t fucking care. Do you think the bird feels any different because it is now being accepted by a human? No it just continues what it’s doing.

“Chirp chirp chirp chirp chirp.”

Again says the bird to it’s bird friend,

“I’m a bird. I’m just doing what I do, I’m singing.”

Do what you do weather it’s chirping, singing, writing, drawing, comedy, sign language, fucking cursing insessantly, watching fart videos, underwater fucking basket weaving, I don’t fucking care. Just do what you do and live your life fearlessly.

<a href=”https://dailypost.wordpress.com/prompts/muse/”>Muse</a&gt;

#BeLikeABird #DontStopBeChirpingHoldOnToThatFeeling #ThanksForReading

Why Wedding Planning Is Stressful

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Ok. I am not afraid to admit that (while it may sound over dramatic, it’s not) I am officially turning into a Bridezilla. I always thought that people who went through this were a little nuts and slightly attention seeking and selfish. Even when my own sister went all mean bride lady. But no, it feels like a chemical imbalance in my brain. This is very real. I am miserable at the moment trying to get everything done.

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I have spent so much time and energy trying to get ready for this perfect wedding that I had my expectations set for in my head that I am struggling to cope in real life.

I thought that having an outdoor wedding with a grilling out style/ potluck themed dinner and just close friends and family that was a camping event would make things easier…I wouldn’t have to worry about a caterer doing a terrible job and being overpaid for a terrible job. I wouldn’t have to worry about lodging for my guest. I wouldn’t have to worry about the location being only rentable for a certain amount of time or being to big or small.

I thought this would be easy. But here I am, literally almost a year after initially planning and still, everything I try to put together just falls apart.

I have been progressively having more and more breakdowns where I find myself coming home and crying and having to be calmed down and told it’s all going to be ok that I am to the point where I wish I would have just went about everything differently.

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I could have just said sorry to my family but went and got eloped like my fiancé kept saying maybe we should do. But I am having a wedding because I always dreamt of what it would be like when I was a child. And I don’t want to let my family down as I’d never hear the end of it.

I’m too far along and have put too much effort and money into it to back out. We are having this wedding. But I hate being miserable in the mean time getting ready for it. I feel defeated though… Has anyone else ever been through this?

And here’s the thing, I was finally starting to feel better. My fiancé even said he noticed how I had been acting like a weight had been lifted off my shoulders. And here’s why: I finally found my dress and had a band lined up and my honey moon paid off and my venue and my bridesmaids and such all invited to be bridesmaids etc… I hadn’t had a panic attack in at least a week or two. Yes they have been often, I even had one when we went to get our passports, which probably made me look like a terrorist! LOL I was just nervous to be around anyone because I was so stressed out and there was no hiding it. But Anyway, back to how I was feeling better, low and behold, another crap storm came. #IHateWeddingPlanning!

Yesterday was my fitting for my dress. I was so excited for this, because a close friend of the family told me, don’t worry about paying out the wazoo for a seamstress, my sister can do any alterations for free. And this offer was from someone who I really trusted. And I trusted his sister with no doubts about it because she had done dresses for me in the past and did a great job.  She never asked for money but we always paid her anyway because it was the right thing to do. Only I didn’t realize she was getting up there in age. We showed up for the appointment and I tried on the dress to be told, “I’m sorry but I’ve gotten older and I just can’t handle that big of a job any more. If I could I’d do it for free, but I’m really sorry I don’t think I can fix your dress. It needs at least 6 inches off the bottom. And when I didn’t know the person, I used to charge at least like $300 or $400” She had no recommendations of anyone else. And now I’m frantically in search of a seamstress in my area that won’t charge me an arm and a leg. No worries I was going to pay her. Just not $400! I am on a tight budget since my car’s motor decided to go out in the middle of all this wedding planning about a month ago which really hurt our budget.

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And then I get home and find out the band we were hiring has a schedule conflict. My wedding is in October….. Looks like I may have to hire a different one. I have to hire a band or two because the invitations literally say Wedstock and that there is live music.

My life is really hard right now between this, and work, and my band.

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I’m so nervous I need a valium. I don’t even have time to see a shrink in the middle of all this. Plus, I don’t have the time off from work to do so and I really want to be strong and get through this without meds. My fiancé I feel would be disappointed if I calmed my nerves with chemicals anyway. He knows I am the type of person who shouldn’t’ be on them and he is right. But I am miserable.

I just want this wedding to be over and to be married to my best friend already. I had no idea what I was getting myself into. I thought wedding planning would be fun.

Yes, my wedding will be beautiful. But if I ever had the choice to go back in time and do it again, I wouldn’t. I’d agree with my fiancé back when he said, let’s just be wild and elope!

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It’s crazy how naïve I was about this. If I would have known as a child I’d be so terrible at wedding planning, I may not have dreamt of this big theatrical shindig which I planned and now my family and friends are all excited and I’m trying to act like I have it together and am not about to lock myself in the loony bin making it happen. Don’t get me wrong! I can’t wait for the event and to spend time with my friends and my family. But I’m a hot mess. I’m exhausted.

Bad Things Only Happen To Good People

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If you are one of those people who say “BAD things only happen to good people,” the reality of the situation is that you are not trying hard enough. I am as sure of this as I am sure the rainbow only comes after the rain. This may seem harsh but it’s the truth. You have to work for what you deserve. Suck it up and DO EVEN BETTER. A negative outlook on your good deeds will get you no where. Don’t give up. The more good you put out into the world starting with you then working your way into other’s lives, the better your karma will be. Focus on you first. Even when you think you’ve had enough, try harder! The sky’s the limit.

 

Fun Ways To Lose Weight Faster

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If you are like me you like to do things the unconventional way.  It’s often cheaper, more fun as you get to try new things, and easier. I’ve been on a fitness journey for a few months now and here are some things that I have found which have worked for me:

  1. Shop from a distance. Park a little from the entrance in the parking lot or garage when you are shopping, going to work, going to a doctors appointment etc…. Extra steps baby! Get that heart rate up! It’s not that bad, it gives you an extra minute or so to clear your head before you go into the store. And if you shop at Wal-Mart, you know you need that! People be shopping crazy in there!
  2. When you are home alone move around, no one is watching! Enjoy yourself! Listening to music while doing chores helps with this. It’s always good to move around and get those positive vibes going.
  3. Chew some gum. Most say to choose the sugar free kind. But I am no dietician. So I’m going to be truthful about how I feel about that. I’ve read that chewing gum burns 11 calories an hour. My favorite gum is Wrigley’s extra spearmint. It doesn’t say “Sugar free” on the package. But it’s only two calories and has no sugar. And the brands/ flavors that do have sugar? They don’t have much. You burn off more than that just sitting inactively. Chew gum occasionally. It helps carve appetites and burns calories.
  4. Play an instrument. I’ve burned up to 800 calories in one jam session just playing and singing. I prefer to burn calories by doing fun things. What can I say?
  5. Sing! Yes that’s right! Sing. When you let those vocals fly, you are working both your diaphragm muscles and your abs if your really belting and you burn quite a few calories that way as well.
  6. Go to concerts that involve fast music that you can’t help but to move to.
  7. Go to music festivals. Yes there is a stigma that Festivals are all about drugs and college aged hipsters. But that is so far from the truth. Sure you will have more of the bad crowds like that at huge festivals like the ones you see in magazines, ie.. Coachella, Bonaroo etc… But the small ones promote nothing but being accepting and kind to one another. Healthy mind healthy body. You also do a lot of walking which we have already talked about and you do a lot of dancing if you enjoy music. Many of these festivals have some pretty killer yoga sessions as well. Not into that? Just unloading your car, setting up camp, and taking it down and reloading your car and unpacking is a workout in itself!
  8. Try new foods and eat healthier foods like foods with high amounts of fiber and the good fatty acids like avocados, coconut oil, olive oil. Make sure to get all the proper nutrients your body needs every day. There are great resources out there to help you. I use an app called my fitness pal. It  has changed my life thus far. Don’t have the time or energy to exercise after your busy day? Exercise a little bit here and there throughout the day! This will sound silly but try the bathroom workout. When you go tot he bathroom at work, do 10 squats, 10 sink pushups (if the sink is sturdy, if not use the wall, be safe) and 10 sink arm curls (put your arms behind you grasping the edge of the sink and then squat so it works your back arm muscles. If you want bonus points, do some side crunches. Over the full day, it adds up! And it helps to tone your core.
  9. Challenge your friends on Facebook. Right now, I’ve been on a 22 a day pushups for 22 days challenge. You do this to honor and raise awareness because every day 22 of our veterans commit suicide due to Post Traumatic Stress Disorder. Totally unacceptable. Start posting videos of yourself doing them and explaining why every day and each time tag a friend or more. This gives you accountability. When they start doing them, you put them up to it so you can’t quit! It’s always good to have accountability partners.
  10. Be patient. The more you are down on yourself for not losing weight or getting into shape fast enough, the more apt you are going to be to want to just give up and eat a whole ice cream cake! It takes time and you have all the time you allow yourself. It’s not about impressing others, it’s about making yourself happy. And the more you do so, the more others will be motivated.

Now you know my essentials, go out and try them and let me know how it goes or if you have any questions! I typed very fast and didn’t really proof read or anything. So be kind. I was in a hurry but I really wanted to share! Have a good Independence day weekend!

 

 

Why You Shouldn’t Eat Foods That Have Their Own TV Commercial

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Do you think I’m here to tell you to say bon #voyage to foods that you see on your TV screen! Well let’s not be too extremist! How about lets say “Do your best to say bon voyage to unhealthy foods, primarily the ones you see on TV.”

Can you think of a television commercial that named their brand of food that was actually a 100% healthy food? If so, I hate to tell you but you may be wrong. Unfortunately, I’d like to say that America’s food and drug administration really has their shiz together on making sure their citizens eat healthy! But did you know that America is ranked #37 in world health systems. I can’t think of one product, even out of the ones who claim to be healthy that is on the tube that lives up to the standards they claim.

In fact, I have thought long and hard about this and I can’t name one single TV commercial food that didn’t contain preservatives, MSG, high fructose corn syrup, horrible PH balances, high acidity, yellow dye, high amounts of sodium, palm oil, insane amounts of gluten etc…. but we live in a country where we are almost brainwashed to think these products are good for us.

Have you ever heard the saying “Think for yourself question authority?” TV commercials are a great place to start. Our parents may have tried to keep us on a healthy diet, yet due to, quite frankly, a lack of knowledge, and being a product of the food we tried around us, we have become addicted.

Now I know some of these chemical’s/ additives I may have mentioned above may sound like a foreign language to you. And that is ok. We are never too lost to learn to start fresh. One good way to start fresh is to eat fresh picked fruits and vegetables! For me, this was all new to me at one point in my life as well. In fact, eating healthy is not an innate skill and I grew up without the education I should have gotten in America on this, so I am still learning and you can still learn to eat healthy too!

You will be glad you did when you start avoiding these chemicals in the foods that are bad for you (one at a time, no one is perfect) and you start feeling progressively better. You will have more energy, lose weight faster, and feel more aware and in less of a fog! You can do it! Having problems? Send me a message and I’ll encourage you! It’s not about being perfect! It’s about being aware and trying your best to be the best you that you can be! Purify your body! Purify your mind!

I may never be able to give up my comfort foods 100% but I can eat much better by learning to read labels. I know what I’m eating and now I know how to limit the things my brain and body just don’t need to consume!

Now don’t get me wrong, I grew up eating frozen pizza, ice cream, pop (or as some of you who aren’t country lol might call it soda), fast food, and takeout just like most Americans did. And I’m not perfect! I still treat myself sometimes! Someteims more than I should. But I have made improvement. And that’s something to be proud of! For instance, here is a list of a few things I may never be able to give up: velveeta shells and cheese, frozen burritos, tostino’s pizza rolls… lol This is what you call being a victim of ‪#‎AmericanPrivilege‬

Be careful what you put in your body! Thanks for reading! Much love. And Namaste.

Ps,

One more piece of advice. If you see something on a commercial, they are not out for your greater good or making you more full or healthy, they are out for your money. That is the primary goal of a corporation is it not?!

#EatingHealthy

<<a href=”https://dailypost.wordpress.com/prompts/voyage/”>Voyage</a&gt;

#BonVoyageToNotTakingCareOfOurBodies #BonVoyageToBadHealth

Reference: http://thepatientfactor.com/canadian-health-care-information/world-health-organizations-ranking-of-the-worlds-health-systems/

I Started My Period In Public

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I’m going go out on a limb here and clense myself of self humiliation and self loathing about what happened. This happened years ago, and I still think of it almost every day. So as you can imagine, this is a good humiliating catastrophy. Enjoy your laughs at my expense. Because I will probably never mention it again. It’s time to be the humble person so here goes….

I’m about to tell you all the absolute most mortifying thing that has ever happened to me in my entire life.

This story is not only grotesque, it is very personal and very hard to talk about. So please try not to be too judgemental. I have only told maybe 4 people about this in my entire life, so you as my non biased blog readers can count yourselves lucky. Enjoy the opportunity to hate on me because I’m sure I’m going to get lots of hateful comments over this. First off, here’s the controversial part of my story. I kind of have to tell you the precursor to the event or you won’t understand why it happened. So I’m going to get right to it. I HAD AN ABORTION.

Go ahead. Get your hatred and judgment out. I don’t care. I did the right thing. This is one of my biggest secrets, and I am sharing it with you all because this is a private blog and I need to get it off my chest. I was dating a man for over 6 months (not that this is my longest relationship, but it’s sad I was so gullible for so long) who I didn’t know was married (I am not the type of person who dates a married man). Immediately after I found out he was married and was mortified over that, I broke off the relationship for good like any self respecting girl would do. But, I found out I was pregnant one week later.

After telling him, it all went downhill from there and fast. Within a week I found out just how unexpectedly unreliable and selfish as a person he was. He wouldn’t even such as go with me to the ultrasound. He wouldn’t even go with me for the test.

What a tool.  And, on top of that, his family was threatening to take the baby away from me. As if their son hadn’t ruined my life enough. I didn’t have as much money as he did. And his family had connections with our corrupt mayor and with lawyers. I was screwed and the baby would be too.

I was too scared. Not for me. But for the child and the life it would have endured. I grew up without my father and with a single struggling mother. I would never put a child in that situation. And our foster care system sucks. I just couldn’t do it. With someone who I know would have been a terrible father and a 4 week old pea sized heartbeat who would have had to grow up with the stigma that would have come of a married man who knocked up me, who would have been seen as a hobag, I just gave the child a chance at a better life. Heaven or reincarnation would have been better. Death would have been better. No child deserves the life he or she would have had. So I had the abortion. But that’s not the most embarrassing part. The worst was the after effects.

Quite a while afterwards, I had been at a music event where my band played put on by the so called father. It was an outdoor camping festival style event and I got very dirty due to rain and yada yada. But my friends (who didn’t know what had happened) and I were hungry.

We went to the restaurant afterwards as we were very hungry looking like dirty tires and I was sitting at the table with a group of my friends and before we left I felt this god aweful feeling like my clothes were soaked.

We got up to leave and as I looked down, I realized I had bled all over the chair I had been sitting in. And I don’t mean just a little bit…like a normal period. It was an absolute puddle. Like one a few napkins would not whipe up. Like someone had been stabbed! There was no hiding it. It looked like my vagina had been massacred at the table. My clothes were soaked. And here came the waitress to buss our table. I cried so hard.

I had uncontrollable unexpected, off schedule periods for about a month or two afterwards. Out of nowhere I would bleed. This is something the abortion clinic did not warn me about.

It happened one other time when we went camping with roughly 100 people at this camping party, I started my period in my favorite white dress yet again, could not hide it.

Can you imagine?! Not only did I get pregnant by an unknowingly married man, but I also bled for months after randomly in public places. Life’s a bitch sometimes. But we live and learn.

What’s your most embarrassing story?
<a href=”https://dailypost.wordpress.com/prompts/embarrassing/”>Embarrassing</a&gt;

#embarrassing

You Are Not Milk Honey

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Never stop being #playful.

I repeat, Never stop being #playful.

To be playful is to remain young at heart. Weather our parents liked it or not, we all went from the little baby in diapers to the grown and still growing individuals who we are now. We grew up to fast.

If you are like me, you heard that all your life while growing up. “She’s/ he’s growing like a weed!” “You’re growing up too fast!”

Have you ever stopped to think of why they would have said that? Have you ever caught yourself saying that about your own child? I #challenge you to ask yourself why. What is it about the essence of a child that people innately love so much. Are those qualities something you ever wanted to lose? Are you still a child at heart? If not, it is never too late to change.

To the children and teenagers reading this post:

Don’t be in such a hurry! I know it’s human nature but if you don’t slow down and enjoy being a kid, your youth will be gone before it’s too late. No matter what anyone tries to tell you, there is no need to be in a rush to get your first boyfriend, go on your first date, be married and eventually have kids right away. I’ve known couples who did not find love and get married until they were in their 90’s and they were some of the happiest people I have ever met! In fact they met at dance lessons, how cute is that?! The important thing is that you give yourself enough freedom to learn how to love yourself first. The reality of the situation is that the divorce rate is high. I firmly believe this is because people are in a hurry to grow up. They stop being playful and start trying to be #adults too soon. Which is something that should happen gradually as a person learns and grows, not all at once. You have to love yourself to have a successful marriage. You have to love yourself and have a successful marriage to raise happy kids who love their selves. So what’s the rush. Be a kid for as long as you can. Have some fun! Don’t settle. And never stop dreaming. Take those qualities you love about kids and harness them. Don’t lose yourself. By doing so, you will have fun, and you will learn so much about yourself that the rest of the world could never teach you. You will be free of regrets!

To the adults and elderly reading this post:

I may sound like I am going on a rant, but I have good reason so hear me out. I get sick and tired of my fellow adults telling me that they are old. “Oh I am not going anywhere because I’m old.” “I can’t go to a concert, I’ll look out of place because I’m old.” Let me tell you something, the most intriguing thing about a person is when they are their selves no matter what anyone thinks. Have fun. Life is too short to care what people think. You’ll be surprised at how non judgmental people can actually be. Oh you think you can’t do things that young people do because you have grey hair? Because you have a cain or wheelchair, because you have diabetis or arthritis? What is your excuse? I am here to tell you that the biggest gift that you can ever give yourself in this life is the gift of unfearful happiness. You have worked hard. You deserve a gift. Spoil yourself with fun. Anyone who gets in the way, will get over it. Just try it! Sure we all have our physical restrictions, but that is no excuse to sit around in your recliner all day not doing anything exciting because you think you are too old. You can’t go out dancing because you have knee problems? Take up art, learn how to use computers better, join a community theater… the possibilities are endless! Don’t sit around dreaming a dream! Get up and get out and live the dream!

Never act as if you have reached your expiration date because, you my friend are not milk. You are the direct result of your parents being #playful! Hahaha Being playful creates miracles. You are a miracle. Act like it. Dance in the rain. get an adult coloring book, tell jokes, laugh, and be merry.

Go out. Do fun things. Step outside of the box. Go to music festivals, take vacations, have picnics, put down the remote control and get crafty with some paint, whatever your dreams may be, be them big or small, do them!

Never be afraid to reach your full potential. Look at each dream like you only have one chance to fulfill it. Because some times that is the case. And if you fail, good, you learned from it, now you can get up, dust yourself off and try again! Never stop being playful. No regrets.

I repeat…

Never stop being playful.

<a href=”https://dailypost.wordpress.com/prompts/playful/”>Playful</a&gt;

 

I’m going through a phase.

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This just in! I’m ready to start the next chapter in my life. I want to have a kid! But not yet… I have went through phases throughout the last couple of years. Some days, I would see my friends with their cute kids supporting them while they were on stage in their cute little band manager onesies or doing something cute in a video I saw on facebook and think I want one. Then I would also have days where I would be in  store or somewhere public and someone’s kid would be acting up and annoy the heck out of me. And I would think, now way! I do not want a kid.  The same goes with my fi. We could not decide. And I have finally made sense in my head of why we have been in such a wishy washy phase.

It’s bad timing!

Neither of us want to live here in the area where we are forever. And we are not at a point in life where we can leave yet. We are super excited to be getting married and making revolutions in life like having a child. But we can’t have one now! Not while we are here! We would never get to leave. We need to wait. And while I’ am a little scared and it may be risky, it will happen when the time is right. We may be on the road…we may be living in another city or even state, but we will be happy where we are. We will not be here. If we had a child and then left, the family would be devastated. However if we had one while we were already gone, it would be much less saddening to them. Just something I have cried over before. But now I feel better.

I am happy with this phase in my life!

<a href=”https://dailypost.wordpress.com/prompts/phase/”>Phase</a&gt;

#Phase